Our final guest post was written by Jillian, who regularly posts on Sunny Little Rain Cloud. Jillian lived in the apartment above me for a year or so when we were both attending university. She's one of those people I lost touch with, but was happy to find again on Facebook ten years later.
Enjoy
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As I walked across the platform to shake hands with the dean and get my empty diploma holder it seemed that most things were right with the world. I was 21, had a degree, a job lined up (that offered to pay back my student loans, offered a decent signing bonus and offered to reimburse my moving costs. AWE-some) , a new condo and roommates who were absolutely hysterical. However, something was nagging at the back of my brain. I had come to BYU for the purpose of gaining an education, not a spouse, even though that goes against the grain of most Mormon stereotypes. I didn't go in order to get married, but I guess I didn't plan on leaving single.
Everyone finds their spouse in college, at least that was what I thought. Yet- here I was leaving college with no 'plus one.' That was simply unheard of! That was the first time that ever felt unsure about romance and love.....and if any of that would ever include me.
Fast forward ten years and not much has changed. I still wouldn't describe myself as someone who is, howyousay, 'Lucky in Love.'
But does that mean that my life is empty of love? No- not at all. I love my life...even without a plus one or a viable reason NOT to have to stand amongst the 12 year-olds at wedding receptions anxiously awaiting the bouquet toss.
(Seriously- who thought of that? If you want me to leave your wedding, just ask. I have developed a super Spidey Sense about timing the The Great Toss and rest assured, that is my cue to exit stage anywhere....and not look back. I really want to know, who thought that up. "Let's gather all of the people who can't form lasting relationships and let's THROW STUFF at them! That'll be great fun." Screw that guy. He is definitely on my List of People to Torture/Maim/ or Shave One Eyebrow Off Of.)
Over the course of the years, I have realized that everyone gazes longingly at lives that are different from the ones they have. Married couples with kids can only dream about picking up and going to stumble around Thailand for the summer, flying to Costa Rica to ride a horse to the top of a volcano and then watch a surfing competition later that day, taking a month in Africa to build a school and train the teachers, or jumping a plane to Puerto Rico to celebrate a friends 30th birthday (and to secretly see how many references you can make to Westside Story in one airport cab ride).
Bottom line- Romantic love is nice, it's pretty, and it looks good in movies (Yes-Channing Tatum I'm looking at you) but it's not everything. Real love is something that takes work, whether it is loving the person that you are or loving the person that you have hitched your wagon to; it's messy and sometimes hurts.
Silver lining- In this day and age, I don't think that the stupid quote, "A woman over age 30 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married," still applies.
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4 Robot Reactions:
Excellent post. I also hate that tradition at weddings. At my brother's wedding no one tried to catch the bouquet the first time so my sis-in-law had to throw it again so that the photographer could pose someone catching it.
You are right. People just want what they can't have. The secret to happiness is finding good things about the life you have.
I like this post a lot. So true.
Oh, how I love you, my Jet-setting friend.
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