September 4, 2009

Skidmark Investigation

Real Conversation From Last Night:

Sparklebot: I was doing some laundry a few days ago, and I came across a pair of underwear with a big brown smear on it. I thought it might be mud, so I smelled it, and . . .

Troubletron: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Stop right there!

Sparklebot: What?

Troubletron: I don't know where this is going, but I do know that if I found something brown on underwear, I wouldn't do any further analysis. I wouldn't run any tests or take any samples or take ANY steps toward substance identification!

Sparklebot: (Laughing) I wanted to know if it was mud or poop!

Troubletron: WHY?! Why would you want to know that? If I find brown stuff on underwear, the ONLY thing I would do is put it in the washer!

Sparklebot: But, don't you want to know what it is?

Troubletron: NO! I just want to wash it and not think about it!

Sparklebot: (Laughing) Ok, that's fine. We do things differently. But, my question is why does a grown man have poop in his underwear?

Troubletron: I don't!

Sparklebot: Not right now, but at least one day you did.

Troubletron: I am thorough with my wiping!

Sparklebot: I know! You are very thorough with most things. That's why I'm asking what happened!

Troubletron: I don't know. Maybe I farted.

Sparklebot: You farted? And stuff came out? That happens to you? I know that happens to Jeff, but I didn't know that was an all-man thing.

Troubletron: No! I mean, it could have, but I don't think so.

Sparkletbot: Ok . . . so . . . did it?

Troubletron: Oh, I bet it was from a work poop.

Sparklebot: Why is work poop different from home poop?

Troubletron: I'm in a hurry! I need to get in and out! I have a 3-wipe policy at work. Three fast wipes and then I have to get back to work.

Sparklebot: WHAT IF THREE DOESN'T DO THE JOB!?

Troubletron: I can't stay in there all day! What if someone else comes in? They'll know! It's embarrassing!

Sparklebot: Yes, it is embarrassing to poop at work. It's best if co-workers think you don't poop at all, if possible. I'm with you on that. But, there's always time for wiping!

Troubletron: You have to do a cost/benefit analysis. Cost: discomfort. Benefit: No embarrassment. I think we have a clear answer.

6 Robot Reactions:

JakieWakie said...

This is a pretty revealing post. Thanks for this.

By the way, if you guys ever come down to visit, stayl away from our washing machine. TroubleTron is right, though--- don't smell it! That's ridiculous!

Sparklebot said...

JakieWakie: If you think THIS post was revealing, just WAIT until our upcoming post on some Halloween decorations we found at the grocery store. THAT one will be revealing, for many of us.

Amy Jo said...

Thank you for the afternoon laugh!

Renee said...

i'm sputtering. i want to gag a bit but i'm too busy stifling laughter. this was pure hilarity.

Cathy said...

I admire you for being able to ask. I have often wondered the same thing, but don't want to ask my hubby.

Jillian said...

Thank you for illuminating one more reason I may not have what it takes to be married.