Days of Christmas: Day 7

Hey readers! I'm really excited to share with you, this 7th day of December, a very easy and very rewarding Christmas craft! You ready for this?

Mini Candy Tree Forest:
I can't tell you how Christmasy and, well, awesome, these are in person! And, I really enjoyed making them. So, I'm going to show you how I did it.

First, I visited my local craft store and purchased foam cones of varying sizes.
It's probably best to get all three cones in the same color, but that was not available at my craft store.

Next, you need to select your candies and prepare each kind of candy for quick gluing. In my case, that meant unwrapping circular peppermints:
And pouring Hot Tamales
And large M&Ms into bowls:
Then, heat up the hot glue gun!
(Side note: Troubletron and I somehow have three hot glue guns . . . only one of them was mine pre-marriage).

Beginning at the bottom of the cone, start placing your candies in rows all the way around the cone.
If you are using large candies like I did, you are going to have to use some half-candies to fill in uneven spaces. If this bothers you, don't use large candies.
Continue gluing candies all the way up to the top of the cone. Add extra candies on top to make your cone tall enough for your top row, if necessary. And, I added this top peppermint as a topper.
It turned out beautifully.
The process is the same for the other candy types.
Except half-M&Ms do NOT glue well. The chocolate melts. I feel like I should have expected that. So, when there were issues with spacing with the M&Ms, I just glued one on sort of diagonally, letting one poke out here and there. I think it's charming. But, it might bother a more anal person.
The Hot Tamales tree was BY FAR the easiest and fastest to do.

Things I learned that may help you:

1) Fairly soft, thin candies are the easiest to work with. The Hot Tamales, for example, squished in close together when there were spacing issues. I didn't have to figure out how to fit any half-Tamales in at all. If I were doing this again, I would have done a green or multicolored gumdrop tree instead of the M&M's tree for this reason.

2) Circular candies leave a lot of bare cone visible. I like the look of the peppermint one, so the bare cone doesn't bother me very much. It bothers me more on the M&Ms tree. So, it may behoove you to paint your cones a color you want to see in the background before starting the gluing.

3) Lots of candies are not perfect.
So, be prepared to weed out a lot of the freaks. Just like people.

4. I like the clean modern look of just the candy cones. But, for a more finished look, you may want to consider a thin-ribboned bow on top of each tree, pinned through the top of the foam cone, perhaps with tendrils of ribbons cascading down the sides of the trees.

5. For display: I have mine up high, because we don't have a lot of extra flat space in our home. But, ideally, I would display them on some glitter-sprayed batting (like they are on a blanket of snow), or on a small-patterned, gathered Christmas fabric (as shown).
I also think these would look great as a centerpiece on a Christmas party table.

Days of Christmas: Day 6

Spend your Sunday as I would like to spend mine: watching holiday youtube videos and viral clips. Enjoy!

Neil Patrick Harris's How I Met Your Mother character Barney quotes dubbed over Frosty the Snowman clips:


1980's McDonald's Christmas Commercial:



Fruity Pebbles Christmas Commercial: "Ho ho ho, I'm hu hu hungry!"


Christmastime for the Jews, courtesy of Saturday Night Live:


Old School SNL "Winter Wonderland" sung by Garrett Morris and the rest of the SNL cast:


And, my very favorite. David Bowie meets Bing Crosby and they sing a holiday duet:

Days of Christmas: Day 5

Days of Christmas: Day 4: A Very Star Wars Christmas

Remember last week when I asked how you could get a very humbugged 9 year old excited for the Christmas season? And then I showed you this picture?
Maybe you don't remember since none of you commented, except my mom.

Anyways.

Last Friday, after the shopping was over and before Troubletron got home from work, the kids were feeling very . . . annoying. Ok, maybe they were BEING very annoying. The subtleties of their behaviors are not important. What is important is that I got a genius idea, inspired by the Santa-hatted R2D2 and my secret Christmas mission to make Troubletron LIKE Christmas.

I pulled out the Star Wars coloring book, dropped some red and green crayons on the table, and told Littletron and Teenbot to express their Star Wars Christmas creativity! Then I told them to hang 1-2 of their creations up in the house to surprise Troubletron when he got home. I then left to pick up Troubletron from work.

We got more than 1-2. Check it:
It starts out with our favorite heroes dressed in festive Christmas colors. Looks like Han Solo is ready to go walkin' in a winter wonderland.
Big Boss Nast looks exactly like Santa the Hut!
Mace Windu got run over by a reindeer.

I believe this picture of Mace Windu had already been colored, but that didn't stop Littletron from Christmasing it up with a Santa hat!
"Luke, I am your Santa!"
Ki-Adi-Mundi gets ready for a special Christmas session of the Jedi Council!
Not to be outdone by the guy with the ridiculously tall skull, this guy with the neck brought the "good list" to the Jedi Council meeting (Names on the good list have been smudged out but I was on it! Not all family members made the cut).
Meesa thinks that face-turned-Christmas tree in the background is awesome!
It's hard to see this one because those crazy kids hung it from a light fixture where it will probably catch fire.
The caption on this one from the coloring book is "Some Droids are dangerous."

Some droids are dangerous(ly festive!)
Littletron tells me this ship is really Santa's sleigh. The green things coming off the top are where the reindeer are attached . . . but they aren't pictured. Obviously.

Here, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin "don their gay apparel."

Fa la la, la la la, la, la laaaaaaaAnd, finally, Yoda the Christmas master waits his turn to open a gift while starry snowflakes glisten.
From our family to you, have a very Star Wars Christmas season!

Days of Christmas: Day 3

I don't think this really needs a caption.

Days of Christmas: Day 2

Today's Christmas blog is a craft fail.

You see, sometimes when I go to Michaels, I get sucked in by all the crafting possibilities, particularly if the packaging on a particular craft kit or supply is especially shiny or colorful . . . or inexpensive.

When I saw a two-pack of tiny Christmas figurines, complete with paints and a tiny brush for only $2, I thought myself stupid NOT to buy it.
I guess next time I'll check to make sure the basic Christmas colors are provided (yeah, I had to mix my own green). And, I'll remember that painting tiny detailed crevices isn't really my strong point.

Days of Christmas: Day 1

Today, December 1, is the day that families across the world get to crack open that first door on their advent calendars, counting down the days until the magic of Christmas is here. A piece of chocolate or a tiny surprise awaits every day from now until December 25th.

I want to share that magic with you.

Starting from this moment, think of Ped Eggs and Hamlet as not only a blog, but as a sort of internet version of an advent calendar. From now until Christmas, there will be at least one Christmas-themed post every day (intermingled with regular posts of thoughts, snarks, and goings-on).

Awesome, right?

So, here's Day 1:

While the kids were here over the Thanksgiving weekend, we began our Christmas season celebration by breaking out the gel-paints . . .
. . . and mugs of cleansing waters . . .
. . . to create 8 cheesy "stained glass"* ornaments to add a personal touch to our Christmas tree.
These ornaments are stylistically reminiscent of some ornaments my family made 20-25 years ago where you pour tiny crystals into manufactured frames, bake, and are left with "stained glass" ornaments. Did you do those? Where can I get those now?

On an additional note, my friend Beth makes REAL stained glass ornaments and sells them for a more-than-reasonable amount on her Etsy shop: Visual Anarchy. I have 5 of her stained glass stars myself. They are beautifully hand-crafted.

________________________
*"Stained Glass" is apparently the manufacturer's way of indicating a particular "look." These ornaments are neither stained nor glass. They are painted plastic.

Late Night/Early Morning Nonsense

It's 1:26 a.m. as I begin to type this blog post.

I went to bed 2 hours ago. I laid next to Troubletron and heard him drift softly to sleep about 10 minutes later. I laid awake for what seemed an eternity before I determined to get up and read for a while to lull my eyes to sleep about 20 minutes ago. I grabbed my book (latest in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series), and sneaked out of the bedroom to the couch. But, then I got distracted. So, here we are.

When I can't sleep, I feel a sense of urgency to fall asleep--like my brain gets mad at myself for not taking advantage of this time to sleep since these chances are so few. Only now, as I am unemployed, my brain struggles between this urgent guilt for being awake, and the remembrance that it doesn't matter one bit whether I can sleep or not. I can sleep all day long if I need to.

Sigh.

I'm cyber-sighing a lot lately.

Thanksgiving Recap

I hope you all had lovely Thanksgivings filled with families, friends, and/or good food.

Troubletron and I enjoyed a quiet dinner, home alone together. In fact, the only picture I have from the entire weekend is aerial shot of our Thanksgiving plates. Looks kind of gross now. But, it was delicious at the time.

We dined alone, but enjoyed desserts with members of both of our extended families, and the kids, so, we fulfilled all our Thanksgiving needs.

From the "How do you feel about Thanksgiving" poll we had up on the blog last week, I see that really only half of you care one bit about Thanksgiving, while the other half are either indifferent or hate it. But, whether you hate it or love it, it's done, and it's time for Winter Holiday extravaganzas!

I can't wait to start telling you all about the Christmas fun we've been having/planning to have. And, we'll be having Christmas-themed polls every week! So, start voting!

Question: How do you get a 9 year old boy excited for the holiday season?

Answer:

I Love Al Gore!

"Quiet. A whale is in trouble. I have to go!"

Bill O'Reilly and American Family Assosication are SO out of touch

I was about to write a blog entry about how completely RIDICULOUS Bill O'Reilly/Sean Hannity and the American Family Association have been with this call on Americans to boycott The GAP family of companies because of the completely made up "War on Christmas." But, when I looked around on the internet to fill myself in on all the facts, I realized my blog entry had already been written by the LA. Times.

CLICK HERE TO READ.

The article makes excellent points. Like:

• You can't ask for a boycott of The GAP for not using the word "Christmas" in its holiday advertising, mostly because it DOES use the word Christmas in its holiday advertising--and it sells Christmas-specific merchandise.

• Even if The GAP didn't use the word Christmas, they would be doing so out of a desire to be inclusive and respectful of ALL the December holidays (including, but not limited to Christmas). Don't ask for respect for your own religion when you have no respect for others.
• The AFA called for this boycott BEFORE The GAP released its holiday ads. So . . . it really wasn't about The GAP at all. It was about getting your fake agenda some publicity.

I honestly can't even begin to comprehend why it would bother Christian fundamentalists if an international corporation advertised to market to everyone, and not just them. Why can't they acknowledge that other people and their traditions might also be valid and valuable? What good is society if everyone is the same?

I understand that, among Christian faiths, proselytizing is an important aspect of their faith. But so is respect. Why does that, so often, get lost?

Thankfulness Turkeys

Just so that everyone knows that I'm not a total Thanksgiving Scrooge (just a partial one), I thought I'd post pictures of the Thankfulness Turkeys our family made last weekend (yes, we ripped out a page from the book of Mulcock--I expect their turkeys will be displayed on the Side of Mulcock blog any day now) (The truth is, I had to steal their Thanksgiving family activity because I couldn't think of any on my own)(And, the other truth is that I wasn't trying very hard because all my efforts were focused on Christmas, like they should be).

Phew.

So, for those of you who don't know the Mulcocks, they have this family tradition in which each family member creates a turkey, decorated to her personal taste, and adorned with multi-colored feathers, each of which represents something that person is thankful for.

Here is what our family made. The blurred out feathers had names of family members. I probably would have let that slide since pictures with names are not googleable, but I was recently reminded that there are lots of people on the internet that hate me--which I kind of like. It makes me feel important. But, nonetheless, makes me remove my actual name from the blog.

Troubletron's:
Troubletron's turkey is wearing a punk-style pink and blue sweater, a star-clad belt, some kind of fur pants, deer feet, and a bonnet. I'm not sure what that says about my husband.

In case you can't read the feathers, Troubletron is thankful for: Marzipan (our bird), Me, each kid, naps, Wayne Rooney (from Manchester United), Buffy, the Bar, and "other Family Type people."

Next up, is my turkey:
My turkey is purple with a pink choker, black polka-dot cami with blue lace, a pink and blue lace belt, a white polka dot diaper, and pink pumps.

My feathers say: Women's Rights, Heat/AC, Internet, Cheese, Moms, Dads, Nephews, Nieces, Bros, Sises, and In-Laws, Troubletron, Kids, Ibuprofen, and Butter.

Yeah, two of my feathers were dedicated to dairy products. So what?

Teenbot's Turkey:
Teenbot's turkey is either WEARING a pumpkin pie, or recently swallowed one whole and we're getting some kind of cartoon x-ray view. I asked her which. She didn't know.

Teenbot's feathers: Thanksgiving!, Family, Yogurt (the name of her new kitten), friends, her birthday, Spiderman, MySpace, Tye-die, and Teal.

Why are there either semi-colons or little "i"s after each item? I don't know. Troubletron and I have been wondering that for about 4 days now. Also, I have no idea why she is thankful for Spiderman, other than that she was wearing one of Littletron's Spiderman shirts WHILE we were doing this activity. Otherwise, I've never seen any Spidey interest from Teenbot.

And, finally, Littletron's turkey.

Except, I want to preface Littletron's turkey by mentioning that Littletron started the afternoon proclaiming that he wasn't thankful for anything. When prodded, he confirmed that he IS NOT thankful for his mom or dad, for his house, or for food, or for ANYTHING. Then, he told me to stop talking to him.

But, eventually, he settled down and made this:
Littletron's turkey is some kind of heavily decorated military turkey, with a star-shaped hole in his neck. Hard-core.

Littletron's feathers: Virginia, Earth, C. Combus (that's Christopher Columbus), bed, his birthday, House, Legos, Food, Family, Yogurt (again, the cat), and Friends.

So, see? I'm not totally anti-Thanksgiving. I just think the holiday should come about two weeks earlier so we can move on to the Christmas season.

I waited as long as I could

We put up the Christmas tree last night.

Proof That The Women's Rights Movement Has Not Yet Achieved Its Goal

Last weekend, Littletron was watching some Simpsons episodes on DVD. Specifically, he was watching the episode when Bart witnesses the clumsy waiter who can't say "Chowder" fall, and his testimony could exonerate the Quimby nephew charged with the beating.

In that episode, Bart is trying to curry favor with the judge, and says "It's nice to see so many ladies on the bench."

Littletron asked what that meant. He is, obviously, not familiar with the term "the bench" as it relates to judges.

Troubletron said, "Bart means he is glad to see a lady being a judge."

Littletron looked at him confused and said, "wait. Girls can be judges now?"

Yes, the kid is only nine and has little concept of how the world works. Yes, he spends most of his time in a county where most professionals are men. No, I can't expect him to know or understand the struggles women have overcome to come as close to a position of equality as we are in today.

I was not mad at Littletron. He can't help what he has been taught.

But, I am mad at society for teaching him that judges are men. I am mad at modern women who think equality has been achieved, and so have ceased to fight so as not to be labeled a "feminist." I am mad at myself for not talking more to my new children about what I do, my struggles to get there, and the double standards for men and women in the same fields. I am mad at lawmakers who, session after session, refuse to pass an Equal Rights Amendment that would ensure that the government would have to treat all people equally. I am mad at every person I am friends with on facebook who has stupid jokes about women being like cars (you should trade them in every 10 years or so for a newer model).

I am happy with The Simpsons. Thank you for beginning to teach my new son an important lesson that I had yet to teach.

Good Grades Escapades

Troubletron and I are proud to announce that both Teenbot and Littletron made the honor roll for the first term!

To celebrate our family's superior intellects, we took the kids out for a recognition lunch at our local Buca di Beppo for some family-style Italian dining in a carefree environment.

We are so proud.

We started off with some fried calamari. We told Littletron it was chicken . . . chicken shaped like little squids . . .
. . . and he bought it.

Ok, so maybe he's not THAT smart, but now he loves calamari!

And, apparently he loves lemon slices too.
He ate the two that came with the calamari, the one in my diet Pepsi, and then asked for more.

For the main meal, Teenbot went with a classic: pepperoni pizza.
Littletron ordered the kids-sized Spagetti and meatball.
For reals. That's the kids size.

You'd think with all this recognition and rewarding going on, that there would be no misbehaving. But, you'd be wrong.

There were so many bunny-ears being thrown around, I took the liberty of giving them to myself, just to save Littletron the effort.
After we could no longer stuff ourselves any more, we decided to take a little walk down to Dupont Circle . . .
. . . to let the kids run around. Literally.
We tried to get a cute in-line family picture . . .
. . . but one person would not cooperate.
But, he did get 4 A's and 2 B's. So, we'll let it slide.

Way to go kids!

I don't like what I'm smelling

Spot on.



Ha ha. Glen Beck is crazy.

Rejectionville: Party of Me

Yesterday, as I flipped through the various ominous-looking envelopes from the mail, I noticed one with the return address of a law firm. I slipped it out of the pile and saw my name staring back at me as the addressee.

"What could this be?" I wondered aloud.

"What could what be?" Troubletron responded. He didn't know I was talking to myself.

I looked hard at the envelope, thinking whether or not I had ever heard of this law firm before. I was 99% sure I hadn't when Troubletron told me I could probably just open it and find out what the letter was for. He's very perceptive.

So, I opened it.

"Dear Sparklebot,

Thank you for your interest . . . .we have filled the opening . . . we'll keep you on file . . . nice try loser . . .you're getting fat . . .

Sincerely,
Law Firm"

I checked my computer and sure enough, there was a cover letter I wrote to that very firm. I read the cover letter I had written and had ZERO recollection of writing it. Apparently, I was trying to pass myself off as someone who has dedicated her life to personal injury law.

Doesn't really sound like me, does it? I guess they could tell.

This isn't the first rejection letter I've gotten . . . this month. It's not even the 10th rejection letter I've gotten. I have lost count, really. But, unexpected rejection in the mail is a bad experience.

Just once, I'd like to receive a letter that says:

"Dear Sparklebot,

Thank you for applying to work here. Your resume was extremely awesome and we'd be stupid not to create a position for you right now. You can do whatever you want while here, as long as you tell everyone that your awesomeness is associated with our firm. We'd also like to go ahead and back-pay you for all those months you were unemployed, as a sign of good faith.

You're a skinny winner!

Sincerely,
A firm that needs your awesomeness"

I did have a series of dreams a few months ago where President Obama and I were shooting some hoops when he asked me to be his "Secretary of Keeping it Real." But, I have recently discovered that that is not a real thing.

Sigh.

Why Does This Product Even Exist?

For reals.

Frustrations

Since whining is one of the things I do best, here is a list of my current frustrations/whines. Weigh in.

1) As an unemployed person, I find myself scheduling seemingly endless "informational interviews" with professional folks in the DC area who are supposed to give me career guidance (and maybe pass my name along to any colleagues they might have who happen to be hiring). I had two of these such interviews this week. The first was rescheduled AFTER I had gotten up two hours early to get ready and metro downtown. The second--well, I was stood up. Both people claimed to be home with a sick child.

I hate this.

2) I'm getting fat again because I'm too stressed. And, that stresses me out. Which makes me more fat. There's no way out of that.

3) Because I'm getting fat again, I only have one suit I can wear that fits and doesn't look ridiculous. But, since I keep having suit-necessitating events, I pretty much just wear the same thing everyday.

4) I want to put up my Christmas decorations to make myself feel warm and Christmasy (I like to drag out the joy of the season). But, this is my first Christmas season married to Troubletron. I don't want him to judge me for putting things up too early.

5) Everyone in my family is getting stuff from Target's "One Spot" (one dollar) section for Christmas.

What's that, JakieWakie? You don't like Smurf stickers? Too bad.

Yeah, kids. That includes you.

6) I want as many people to read this blog as read my other blog. I know I worked on that one for like 4 years, so it's more established. But, I kind of thought people would just move over here when I did. Yet, that blog gets 3 times as many daily hits as this one does--and I haven't updated it with a substantive post in three months. Also, in those three months, it's gained three more "followers," all of whom are strangers. This blog has 12 total "followers." And, that includes me and Troubletron.

Why? Tell me why.

7) Troubletron and I had to cancel our cable service a month or so ago to try to make ends meet. Since we couldn't mindlessly surf channels anymore, we started watching the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (you know I own them all--but Troubletron had never seen an episode). We just finished the end of the final season a few days ago. Now, when I wake up in the morning, I remember that Buffy is over, or that Spike died and I get sad all over again.

8) Troubletron doesn't like the Chipmunk Christmas CD. So, what am I supposed to listen to for the next month and a half?

9) Something makes my kitchen smell perpetually weird. I cant' find it.

I guess I'll stop there. I could continue.

Halloween Recap

As I have already stated, my Halloween turned out to be a thousand times lamer than I had hoped, due to constant contract lawyering. It was a necessary evil, and I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less on what should be the most evil day of the year.

However, not all the members of our household lost the Halloween spirit.

Littletron woke up early Halloween morning, shook his father into alertness, and asked where his costume was. Troubletron, in a mist of sleepiness, said, "don't worry. I know where it is. I'll help you with it later when it's time to go trick-or-treating."

Littletron shook his head in frustration and said, "Dad. It's Halloween. I need to wear my costume now."

And, so he did. He wore it all day. He wore it while eating.
He wore it while assessing his lego pile.
He wore it while interneting.
The dedication is strong in this one.

Now, I ain't sayin' he a Golddigger . . .

Last weekend, Teenbot, not having any other tweens around to play with, trapped Littletron into a game of M.A.S.H. (the favorite fortune-telling game of every 13 year old girl). She tortured him by picking the girls he may-or-may not marry and may-or-may not have 1, 4, 17, or 100 kids with, but she actually asked him for his input on what his future occupation may be.

Teenbot: Ok, list 4 occupations.

Littletron: Hmm.

Teenbot: come on.

Littletron: (2 minutes of deep thought) Pwesident. Ummmmm. Senatow. Ummmm. Hmmmmm. Olympics. Hmmmmmm. Golddigger.

Troubletron is sure he means Prospector. But, being a golddigger sounds better than gold prospecting to me.

My Scary Halloween

As Troubletron alluded to in his Halloween post, I found myself (and find myself still) working all weekend and this week at a very last-minute temporary legal job, doing some document review for a bigwig firm in DC. The project only lasts until this coming Friday (most likely), but until then, us temp lawyers are expected to be putting in 13-17 hour days.

Needless to say, such working hours put a serious damper on my Halloween fun-having ability.

The only thing that scared me last Saturday night was the booger stuck to the bottom/front of the "O" key on my temporary work keyboard. Sick.